This is what 81 looks like in my family!
April 28, 2018
On the date of my mother’s 27th birthday, her oldest daughter (me) sneaked into her classroom during recess and scrawled on the chalkboard, “Happy 27th birthday!” For those who don’t know what a chalkboard is, Google it! At the time, my mother was a first year 2nd grade teacher. Later that evening, my mother scolded me – not for writing “Happy Birthday” on her chalkboard, but for including her age in the message!
Fast forward to 1988. My 50 year-old mother had been teaching for 23 years. I again visited her at school, this time with my infant daughter and her first grandchild. One of my mother’s colleagues was celebrating her 40th birthday, and all of the teachers were wearing buttons that said, “_____ is 40. I’m not _____.” On my mother’s button, she had hand written, “But I wish I was.” Needless to say, age has always been a “hot topic” in my family.
I took a chance on including my mother’s age in the title of this blog post, but I think she is finally celebrating the number of candles on her birthday cake instead of dreading them!
In 2017 when I began writing a journal at the suggestion of my friend, Mendy, it included an examination of trying to understand how I became the person that I am. Week after week as I wrote, it became clear (although, I have always known it) that my mother has always been the most influential person in my life.
While both of my parents were first generation college graduates and went on to earn Master’s degrees, it was different for my mother and the women of her generation. My mother chose a different path than her mother and decided to have a career, so that is the model that I aspired to when I was young. Very early in my life, my mother let me know that her expectation for me, and for my sister, was to be more than average. There were times that expectation was a burden, but I’m grateful for it today.
I’m not sure what spurred my mother’s early activism regarding women’s rights. Perhaps it was because her biological children are female. Maybe it was because she witnessed her own mother, a homemaker with no education, faced with having to make a living after my grandfather died. But, early in my life, my mother encouraged my independence.
During the early 1980s, my mother was active in trying to get the Equal Rights Amendment ratified in Oklahoma. The Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) passed the U.S. Senate and then the House of Representatives, and on March 22, 1972, the proposed 27th Amendment to the Constitution was sent to the states for ratification, with a seven-year deadline on the ratification process. There was opposition to the ERA organized by fundamentalist religious groups across the country. My hometown was no exception. Anti-ERA organizers claimed that the ERA would deny a woman's right to be supported by her husband, privacy rights would be overturned, women would be sent into combat, access to safe and legal abortions would continue, and homosexuals could legally marry. Although the ERA did not pass, 30 years later on June 26, 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court made marriage for same-sex couples legal nationwide, declaring that refusing to grant marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples violates the Constitution.
But, back to the past. For the ERA to become a Constitutional amendment, 38 states had to ratify it. As the 1979 deadline approached, only 34 states had ratified the ERA. Congress granted an extension until June 30, 1982, and there was a huge push to get the four remaining states necessary. Alan Alda, who may be best remembered as Hawkeye Pierce on M*A*S*H*, is also one of the most prominent of Hollywood’s male feminists (he appeared on the cover of Ms. magazine). He actively supported ratification of the ERA and traveled to states that hadn’t ratified it to garner support. One of his stops was in my hometown. I loved Alan Alda then, and still do! I have always been a fan of his acting as well as his support of causes important to me. My mom, sister and I were able to attend his appearance in Ada. Armed with my camera, I was able to get a photo of my sister shaking hands with Mr. Alda! Several days later when I got the photos developed (this was before digital cameras, and I had to wait several days to get the prints), I immediately took them to the school where my mom was teaching. It was during a recess break, so my mom was in the teacher’s lounge with several other teachers. One of the teachers who was a staunch opponent of the ERA “because the Bible says women are not equal to men,” peered over my mother’s shoulder to glimpse the photos, then quickly turned away when she realized what they were and said, “I can’t look at those.” Confused, I asked her why. “Because that’s a sin,” she replied. I was dumbfounded. Looking at photos of my sister with Alan Alda was a sin? Overhearing this exchange, my mother came to my rescue. She didn’t put the photos away, but continued to show anyone and everyone that came into the lounge, the “great photos her daughter had taken.”
My mother was an elementary school teacher for 30 years, during which time she received Teacher of the Year honors. When she retired, the local newspaper ran a story about her with a photo of her with some her students.
When I started this blog, the intent was to only post photos that I had taken. However, the photo of my 81 year-old mother on a zip line taken recently on a trip with my stepfather, stepbrother and his family on a trip to Sonoma, California is too good not to post! This is what 81 looks like in my family!
Last night my daughter sent me a text with that photo that said, “This picture makes me very happy.” Me, too!
While I am an admitted “Daddy’s girl,” my mother has always been my “shero!” She continues to inspire my sister, her granddaughters, and me!
#strongwomen
Widen the Aperture
April 24, 2018
Whew, it’s been another exciting, refreshing, energizing, fun, and yes, exhausting week!
I had the opportunity to spend several days in San Antonio for the 36th annual Lifesavers National Conference on Highway safety Priorities, which is the largest gathering of highway safety professionals in the U.S. The conference provides opportunities to learn about the latest, cutting-edge evidence and innovation, and share information with other traffic safety professionals. As a member of the Lifesavers Planning Committee (LPC), I get to interact on a monthly basis with the other remarkable and dedicated members of the LPC and the amazing team at Meetings Management, Inc. And each year, I get to spend a few days with these people and several thousand others discovering the city that is hosting the conference.
This year’s conference was even more special because it was held in my adopted home state, in the beautiful city of San Antonio. It was so fun to be able to host my colleagues from across the country in Texas with my Texas friends. And, I even had the opportunity to emcee the opening plenary!
Texans like to say that we “do things BIG in Texas,” and the 2018 Lifesavers Conference was no exception. We offered the most workshops ever, and set a new attendance record to boot! And, the conference coincided with the opening of Fiesta San Antonio, which is the city’s premiere event. Dubbed the “Party with a Purpose,” Fiesta began in 1890 with the Battle of Flowers Parade, which has been the only parade to be planned and directed completely by women. Fiesta has had an economic impact of more than $340 million for San Antonio. All funds raised by official Fiesta events provide services to San Antonio citizens throughout the year. It is a celebration of San Antonio’s rich and diverse cultures. Viva Fiesta!
My trip to San Antonio actually started with my 6:15 a.m. flight being delayed for four hours. When you arrive sleep-deprived at the airport at 5:00 a.m., learning you have a four-hour delay has a tendency to cause some “up-regulation” as my leadership training has taught me. I took a few deep breaths. Fortunately, a kind Southwest ticket agent was able to book me on the 7:30 a.m. flight.
When I arrived in San Antonio, I rented a car and drove out to Enchanted Rock, a massive pink granite dome that rises above Central Texas. Hiking the summit of Enchanted Rock has been on my “Texas bucket list.”
As I drove along the winding Hill Country roads that day, I was reminded of two Texas women, both of whom were former First Ladies who left an enduring impression on this country. Bluebonnets and other wild flowers peppered the sides of the roads, a lasting legacy of Lady Bird Johnson. Flags were flying at half-staff out of respect for the passing of Barbara Bush, who has been called “America’s grandmother.”
Hiking to the peak of Enchanted Rock may have been easier 10 years ago when I first moved to Texas, but standing atop the summit of the mystical dome and observing the 360 views of the Texas Hill Country, was well worth it!
The day was overcast, so I needed to widen (or open) the aperture on my camera. For my non-photography friends, the aperture is the opening of the camera’s lens. Widening the aperture allows the camera to let in more light.
As I reflect on the past few days – my hike to Enchanted Rock and the Lifesavers Conference in beautiful, diverse San Antonio – I’m reminded that when I “widen the aperture” – embrace new experiences and people, it brings a richness to my life.
The closing speaker at the Lifesavers Conference, Brigadier General (Ret.) Joe Ramirez, Jr., told several moving and inspiring stories of leadership. In closing, he showed a photo of a grave marker. Like most markers, the gravestone included the individual’s date of birth and death. Between the two dates was a dash. As he concluded his remarks, Brigadier General Ramirez asked, “How are you going to live your dash – the time between birth and death?”
I’m attempting to live my dash trying to make Dallas and the U.S. safer, and by bringing more light into my sphere of influence. I'm so grateful to my family, friends, and colleagues who are helping me on this journey!
A Wrinkle in Time
"It’s only a matter of time until the darkness breeds fear. The fear turns to rage, and the rage leads to violence. Then, there’s a tipping point. We’re in search of warriors who can fight the evil, who can bring hope back."
Mrs. Witch, A Wrinkle in Time, 2018
March 11, 2018
I had one goal for today – go see A Wrinkle in Time. If I got nothing else accomplished, I was going to see that movie. My friend, Amber, had told me after the release of Wonder Woman, that it was important to see films directed by women on the film’s opening weekend. Honestly, it didn’t matter that the film had a female director (Ava DurVernay), I was going to see it anyway because of the leading actresses (Reese Witherspoon, Oprah Winfrey and Mindy Kaling). I would see any movie if these women were in it/them, but the fact that all three were in the same movie was just “pudding,” as my friend Leslea used to say.
I haven’t read A Wrinkle in Time – not as a child or as an adult. But, I was going to see the movie. It didn’t matter that the film had gotten “lukewarm” reviews. Rotten Tomatoes gave it two stars. Richard Larson writing in Vanity Fair said, “Much of the excitement for A Wrinkle in Time was generated by the fact that DuVernay—the talented director behind Middle of Nowhere and Selma—is the first woman of color to direct a live-action film with a budget exceeding $100 million. What a shame, then, that the end product of that history-making work is such a mess.” Forbes called it, “a well-intentioned disappointment.”
I’m not a film critic. I have no credentials to judge movies, other than whether I like them or not. And, I LOVED this movie. Aramide A. Tinubo, writing for Think, said A Wrinkle in Time isn’t a film for critics. It’s Ava DuVernay’s love letter to black girls.” Maybe it is DuVernay’s “love letter” to black girls, but this film adaptation resonated with me, an “older, white woman” who is still trying to figure out a world that looks different than what I thought it was. What I saw in this movie is an optimistic hope (something I haven’t felt much in the last year) for our country that is in the midst of turmoil (something I have felt acutely since November 9, 2016). In an interview with People magazine, Oprah Winfrey said that when she spoke the words, “The darkness is spreading so fast these days. The only thing faster than light is the darkness,’” she was thinking about all of the protesting going on all over the world. She said she had images in her head of specific violent acts being committed against groups of people.
Kevin Fallon, writing for The Daily Beast, said “This is a film that warns against the evils that surround us every day, and against the kind of complacency that comes when it’s easier to sacrifice our light and become complicit with the darkness. There’s a topicality to that message that shouldn’t need elucidating here, on a website that daily chronicles acts of gun violence, threats of war, forced indignities on citizens, and an institutionalized lack of compassion that’s led to riots, cultural splintering or, worse, ambivalence.” Fallon points to a moment near the end of the film when the Winfrey, Kaling and Witherspoon characters give Meg gift/tools to help her on her journey. Fallon says they are “three ideas that are carry metaphors for this film’s own value, not to mention what we should hope to glean from it moving forward: own your flaws, for they can be your greatest assets; remember to look at the world differently than you’ve been conditioned to; and, no matter what, never abandon each other.”
I couldn’t agree more with that excellent advice/message. And maybe, just maybe, this chaotic period of hate in our country is just “a wrinkle in time.”
#bringinghopeback